You will mourn in proportion to the quality not necessarily the length and the significance of y our relationship. Those whose animal friends were their only source of companionship may find it very difficult to move on. The routine and structure provided by caring for an animal - even one who is very ill — can leave a schedule empty and home very lonely. An animal acquired during a happy time in a relationship or memorable life transition can become symbolic of those moments.
It may feel as if they have taken those memories with them when they die, that our connection to those events is now lost. The bereft person may feel that life will never be good again. This can also be true of those who worked with their animals as professional partners, as well as animals who were the center of family life. You should expect the initially intense feelings to lessen over time, within a few weeks to a few months. Some may feel that by letting go of their grief they are ending their bond to their friend. But after mourning comes a peace in which the true legacy of this precious relationship stands the test of time.
We must give up our attachment to their death to renew our connection within this new context. Common feelings following a decision to euthanize. Even when abundantly clear and medically indicated, the decision to euthanize can leave bitterness, regret and incredible guilt. Life or death decisions, even when suffering is evident are not easily made nor should they be.
Second guessing ruminations after the fact are common despite the most compelling evidence that this was the most human decision! After your companion has died you may imagine another course of treatment, another day, an earlier intervention, would have changed the outcome. You would usually be wrong. Often our recollection of those final moments is hazy with grief and we may minimize or forget the reasons that led to this merciful conclusion. You may feel your decision was premature or that you waited too long. You may therefore assign the guilt for the loss to yourself instead of the illness or event which truly took the life of your pet.
Again, you would be wrong to do so, but this does not prevent the most responsible and loving pet stewards in the world from engaging in self-blame. Such thoughts are distracting and worthless self-torture.
Pet Loss Help
The reality is that your compassionate courage on behalf of your friend has mercifully ended their suffering, while your agony at their loss now begins. Our intellect and powers of reason take a while to catch up with a broken heart. These precious creatures are not with us for very long and the brevity of their lives adds more weight to a decision regarding terminal illness.
Euthanasia is one of the most traumatic aspects of pet loss and can become an agonizing distraction from the work of mourning. But it is one final grace we can give for all the comfort they offered us during their lives — to end suffering in a dignified, painless and humanely loving manner. Ultimately, we do not determine the life and death of our pets, even though we may assign ourselves such control. Most animals who are euthanized by loved ones are facing chronic untreatable illness or catastrophic injuries.
It is only a matter of time. An extra week to have them with us may be at the expense of horrific suffering on their part. To end their pain we must willingly bear the associated agony of transient doubt.
An interspecies bond like no other
When trauma is a component of pet loss. Euthanasia, among other circumstances, adds a traumatic component to an already devastating loss. Symptoms of PTSD, in which nightmares, obsessive thoughts, panic and recurring images deny us peace of mind or sleep. We feel irritable, self-critical and ruminate constantly about the same decisions or circumstances.
If symptoms as those described above persist over weeks or months, please consult with a mental health professional. Talking about such feelings can offer renewed perspective and liberation from self-doubt. Unresolved or complicated grief reactions. Recognizing Depression and Getting Help. Seek professional help if you need it. If your grief is persistent and interferes with your ability to function, your doctor or a mental health professional can evaluate you for depression. One aspect that can make grieving for the loss of a pet so difficult is that pet loss is not appreciated by everyone.
As we age, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including the loss of beloved friends, family members, and pets. The death of a pet can hit retired seniors even harder than younger adults who may be able to draw on the comfort of a close family, or distract themselves with the routine of work.
- When I Look Into Your Heart.
- Solomon Spring (Novels of the Victorian West).
- The Decline and Fall of the U.S. Economy: How Liberals and Conservatives Both Got It Wrong.
- Der Kuss des Wikingers: Roman (German Edition);
- Loss of a pet – how to help others cope with the grief.
Stay connected with friends. Pets, dogs especially, can help seniors meet new people or regularly connect with friends and neighbors while out on a walk or in the dog park. Try to spend time with at least one person every day.
10 Ways to Heal After Losing a Pet
Regular face-to-face contact can help you ward off depression and stay positive. Call up an old friend or neighbor for a lunch date or join a club. Boost your vitality with exercise. Pets help many older adults stay active and playful , which can boost your immune system and increase your energy.
Check with your doctor before starting an exercise program and then find an activity that you enjoy. Exercising in a group—by playing a sport such as tennis or golf, or taking an exercise or swimming class—can also help you connect with others. Volunteering and its Surprising Benefits: How Giving Improves Your Life. Try to find new meaning and joy in life.
Caring for a pet previously occupied your time and boosted your morale and optimism. Try to fill that time by volunteering , picking up a long-neglected hobby, taking a class, helping friends, rescue groups, or homeless shelters care for their animals, or even by getting another pet when the time feels right. Losing a pet can be a traumatic experience for any child.
A child may feel scared that other people or animals they love may also leave them. Let your child see you express your own grief at the loss of the pet. Children should feel proud that they have so much compassion and care deeply about their animal companions.
The death of a pet can raise a lot of questions and fears in a child. You may need to reassure your child that you, their parents, are not also likely to die. Involve your child in the dying process. Explain why the choice is necessary and give the child chance to spend some special time with the pet and say goodbye in their own way. If possible, give the child an opportunity to create a memento of the pet.
Allow the child to be involved in any memorial service, if they desire. Holding a funeral or creating a memorial for the pet can help your child express their feelings openly and help process the loss. Your child may feel disloyal, or you could send the message that the grief and sadness felt when something dies can simply be overcome by buying a replacement. Deciding to put your animal companion to sleep is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make for your pet. As a loving pet owner, though, the time may come when you need to help your pet make the transition from life to death, with the help of your veterinarian, in as painless and peaceful a way as possible.
Euthanasia for a beloved pet is highly personal decision and usually comes after a diagnosis of a terminal illness and with the knowledge that the animal is suffering badly. Your choices for your pet should be informed by the care and love you feel for the animal. Important things to consider include:. Does your pet still enjoy previously loved activities or are they able to be active at all?
Response to care and affection. Does your pet still interact and respond to love and care in the usual ways? Amount of pain and suffering. Is your pet experiencing pain and suffering which outweigh any pleasure and enjoyment in life? Every vet reacts to such situations in their own personal way: S ympathy cards have become a recognised way of supporting pet owners in their grief. Pet owners are often surprised, touched and even delighted when they receive these cards from their vet. Sadly, one of the consequences of this general positive reaction has been that sympathy cards have moved towards being a standard, expected response by vet clinics when a pet dies.
S ympathy cards for pets can now be purchased from a wide range of sources. I n the first instance, an elderly man had two pet cats. When the first cat died, he received a typed and signed note expressing sympathy from his vet. Three years later, when his second cat passed away, he again received a note from his vet. Again, he appreciated this gesture, and he decided to keep the note with the first one. It was only when he compared the two notes that he discovered that exactly the same words had been typed in each note, right down to the slightly incorrect use of a punctuation mark.
Yet each note had been signed by a different individual. The man had a sickening moment of realisation: The man tore up both notes, and resolved never to return to that particular vet clinic.
Why losing a dog can be harder than losing a relative or friend
The dog was nearly fifteen years old, and the vet had treated her on and off for 13 years. The vet responded to this email succinctly:. I felt I should reply to your note. When sympathy cards first arose as an idea for pets I embraced them with enthusiasm, feeling they would be good and healing. However, I got what could almost be described as hate mail from some recipients who thought they were crass, rude and just inappropriate marketing tools.
I do know they have led to clients seeking help elsewhere in the future.